Who needs Mummy friends? YOU DO!

 

Girlfriends communicate and connected by mobile phoneJust the other day I spent the morning in the hairdressers.  It’s the rare occasion every few months when I get a few hours to myself.  I sipped hot coffee, made for me by someone else (Bliss I know!).  Flicked through a magazine and text friends – Mummy Friends!  It was whilst flicking though the magazine I came across an article that made me take my note book from my bag and begin furiously jotting notes for this post.

See the article had got my back up.

Recently Grazia have been running a series called ‘Womb with a View’ where a woman reflects on motherhood – whether she has children or not.  That weeks Author was a 34 year old mum to be.  She wrote how she has “No desire – post birth – to sit in a circle, butchering nursery rhymes with a bunch of women whom the only thing we have in common is passing a human out of our vaginas.”  Well, basically all the little voices in my head were screaming “Just you wait and see love!”

See two kids in, I happen to think ‘Mummy friends’ can be some of the most important people in your life.

No where does it say that these friends have to replace your existing network or that you have to make friends with everyone ‘butchering’ that nursery rhyme.  But maybe just maybe one day when your non-parent friends are fed up listening about little Betsy’s never ending desire to feed you’ll want someone – anyone to listen.  See those other ‘first timers’ are going through the exact same thing.  And believe me, even your seasoned parenting friends won’t be that much help because those early, fog filled days are quickly forgotten when you move on to the next stage.

Before we have kids we all have an idea of how it’s gonna be.

I can’t even fault this Author – I too had a vision of how a sweet little bundle would be placed in my arms, cry only for a nappy change or feed and sleep angelically in his mosses basket the rest of the time.  Reality stinks!  He didn’t just fit in around our lives he came along and took over.  He howled morning noon and night.  Would sleep only whilst I held him or had my boob in his mouth and barely looked at his mosses basket for the first six weeks of his life.  Baby number two wasn’t that much different Gone were evenings in or out with friends.  Who wants to entertain when you have a new born cluster feeding from 5pm till 1am?  And who want’s to spend all evening apologising for the baby being a bit unsettled?

I’d love to catch up with this lady in say, three months time.  When the baby has arrived.  All the obligatory visits have stopped.  She’s fed up of her Mother or Mother in Law giving her the “it wasn’t done like that in my day” eyes and she’s trying to put the baby in a routine.  Now maybe she’d prove me wrong. Maybe she hasn’t made a single ‘Mummy friend’  but I doubt there’s not one Mum who she exchanges tired, weary smiles at as she does her 5th lap of the park willing the baby to stay asleep, ten more minutes – just so she can enjoy the quiet.

I’d tell her about how I made my ‘Mummy friends’ at yoga.  They weren’t paid for through an Antenatal class.  I didn’t set out on a quest or throw myself at the first woman with a pram I met.  Friendships were built over time.  It wasn’t till much further down the line we butchered those nursery rhymes together because our babies needed stimulation!  I wasn’t enough.  I didn’t want to be.  I wanted to see my child interact with other babies his age.

Being on your own with a baby all day every day can be draining and as much as we’d hope our pre-baby friends will be there it’s not always possible.  That’s when it’s nice to have someone to meet for coffee, to tell you not to worry when the babies nappies have gone seriously weird as you start weaning.  Or to just sympathise when you’ve been up all night.

My Mummy friends have been there through the good days and bad.  The snot and tears from both me and the Littles.  As a Mummy who didn’t have her Mummy just round the corner, they were my saviour when I just wanted to spend the day in my pyjamas.  The ones who understood all my anxieties, the ones who know me best in my Mummy role.  I still have my childhood friends and always will but friendships evolve just as we do and Mrs C wouldn’t be ‘Mummy’ with out her Mummy gang!

Atircle from magazine about not needing mummy friends. by a lady who does not have children

 

 

 

3 Little Buttons
The Pramshed
Share:

11 Comments

  1. December 19, 2017 / 12:25 am

    Brilliant piece. I wouldve been lost and would still be without mine

    • Mrs C
      Author
      December 19, 2017 / 11:35 am

      I needed them and still do! Glad you liked it. xx

  2. December 19, 2017 / 7:11 pm

    Love this and it’s sooooo true. I’d be lost without my mummy friends who are now my mummy friends at school as we all go through the different issues that come with your kids as they get older. I admit I probably thought I’d be fine on my own when I was first pregnant, but soon realised that it is incredibly lonely at home all day on your own, wondering how on earth I was going to get through the day. #dreamteam

    • Mrs C
      Author
      December 19, 2017 / 9:59 pm

      It’s amazing how getting out and having a natter with another mum can make a bad day so much easier.

  3. December 19, 2017 / 9:52 pm

    Ah, parents-to-be! They know everything, don’t they? I love it when a pregnant woman or parent of a newborn says, “Oh no! I plan to do XYZ.”

    I know that I couldn’t survive without my mom friends!

    • Mrs C
      Author
      December 19, 2017 / 9:56 pm

      I’d hate to say I told her so but… Actually I’m lying. I’d love to tell her I told you so! Thanks for reading. 😉

  4. December 23, 2017 / 7:19 pm

    The people who are *so certain* that they won’t need/be/do something as a parent have obviously not realized that all thoughts and feelings, wants and needs, will be different once the baby is born. Excellent post, thank you for sharing it on the #DreamTeam this week. Have a great christmas!

  5. January 2, 2018 / 11:23 pm

    I’d love to see that lady back in Grazia when her baby is a couple of months old… I definitely didn’t realise how important mum friends would be before I had kids, though. Thanks for sharing this x

  6. January 14, 2018 / 9:38 am

    I don’t have any children but I think that if I do in the future I will definitely NEED Mommy friends. You need people who can relate to how your feeling or have the same experiences that you do.
    Great post lovely!

    Abigail – chasingmydesire.com

  7. January 14, 2018 / 10:39 pm

    Mummy friends are definitely needed, I wouldn’t have survived the first year and maternity leave without them. They are a rock, and there were so many things we talked about that you would never talk about to a friend who doesn’t have kids. Thanks for linking up at #fortheloveofBLOG. Claire x

  8. February 2, 2018 / 3:20 pm

    Oh me, oh my. What a wally! I say that but then I totally get the naivety of thinking you don’t need “mummy friends”. Almost all (actually I’m saying almost but it’s all, every last one) of my nine parent friends has grown apart from me. It’s not their fault, or mine, we just lack everything in common. Your children become EVERYTHING. You make plans? They will, at some point, ruin them. You take them out, they will piss people off with their moaning/crying/screaming/puking. Kids ARE annoying if you don’t have them or love them. This is where, as you said, the motherhood support groups come in. If you think of anything else in life where you undergo a HUGE change, be it moving or health or whatever, there are support groups. So why not for motherhood? H 🙂

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *