First note: Potty training sucks!
Ah I thought this was gonna be the week! I’ve been trying for months and months to encourage The Biggest Little C to use the big boy toilet. I’ve even bought two potty’s as the first one wasn’t soft enough on his bum! Yep, he’s like Goldilocks – everything has to be ‘just right’. This two-year-old knows what he likes. He’s starting Nursery soon and although the teachers are happy to change smelly nappies I’m pretty sure with twenty something other 2-4-year-olds they won’t have a lot of time! He has on numerous occasions used the potty and the toilet but a lot of the time when I’ve mentioned it I’ve been quite frankly told: “No Mummy, put my nappy on!” Yes, Sir! Whatever you say Sir! I’ll get right to it Sir!
So Wednesday morning I thought it had clicked. He wanted to wear boxers, just like Daddy. He’d taken a wee in the potty before we’d even come down stairs for breakfast. He seemed, interested, focused, I thought he’d got it. I was feeling smug.
Ha Ha Ha… Silly Mummy!
By 11 am we’d gone through four pairs of underpants, two wees on the kitchen floor and one on the sofa!! It was not going well. But I was staying firm he was gonna get this it was just gonna take some effort. Surely he didn’t like the feeling of having wet underwear and instead of thinking pissing on my sofa was funny he’d get it that the potty was the place for it.
We didn’t make it to lunch time before there was another pair of underpants in the sink. I’d given up dressing him from the waist down and left to his own devices he’d stripped and was doing a victory dance around the kitchen stark bollock naked!
By 12.35pm we had managed one more wee in the potty and it had only taken an ice lolly as a bribe. My motivation was back. I just had to persevere.
Normal life continued in the background and with all this extra washing I was spending a lot of my day at the clothesline. I hope none of my neighbours were peering out their window as I turned around to see my half naked toddler, waving his crown jewels in the wind, taking a whizz off the back step! He thought he was hilarious, I, not so much. I can picture it now.. He’s gonna be the joker in his class. The one the teacher always says disrupts the other pupils. That grass will probably never grow again, and I’m going to remind him why in years to come!
The clock slowly ticked round to 2.15pm and I’d given up and he happily put his nappy on. I was fed up cleaning wee off my floors and running to rescue my sofa every time he headed in the direction of the living room. He’d been worse than a new pup marking his territory.
We went nappiless again before dinner, he even requested his potty… Nothing… I’d imagine given his sodden nappy and the number of times he’d pee’d everwhere but the potty – he was all out. Nope wrong again. He’d just been waiting to take a whizz on the bench while I served up.
Day two was no better. If anything it was worse! As soon as my back was turned my little nudist thought it would make me so happy to take all the cushions off the sofa and piss on the frame. I saw red!
HE’S NOT READY, I’M NOT READY, F**K POTTY TRAINING, PASS THE NAPPIES AND THEN THE WINE!
This morning I asked the question again. Just in case he had decided today was the day… It wasn’t. “Do you want to use the potty this morning?” “Em… No Mummy, change my nappy.”
Well, that’s it… Bye, Bye Potty. See you in a few weeks.
This weekend I’m reading ‘Gina’s Guide’ to see what she has to say on the matter and next time we’ll crack it.
I’m only a few pages in… Turns out, it’s my fault! He’s ready. I’m not. Best get my act together and try harder.